I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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