I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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