No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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