I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The uberlube is also flammable
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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