when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
