i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
