Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
