Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
