if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
