I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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