What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize