So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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