I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
