they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
