i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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