Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
