I can tuck mytits in my pants
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
