I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
