Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
