He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
