is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
wow bdsm is so cute
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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