Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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