The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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