I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize