Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
