She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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