He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
jump out the window naked night went bad
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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