Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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