i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize