Your tits are I can't wait for
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
worst night to have a conscience
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Even my vagina gasped.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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