and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
