I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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