i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
