Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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