so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
