I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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