okay pat passed out under dana's car
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
