Cold hands, warm shart.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
