trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
