I accidentally had phone sex last night
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
