I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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