I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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