Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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