You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
