I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
