im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
