just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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