I think my vagina is haunted
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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