I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
