he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
