All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
