I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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