Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
