the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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