everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
