I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I cannot find my penis.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
