we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize