The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Can Purell be used as lube?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
