Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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