I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
