How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
