$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
