adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
