I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
