no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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