That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Is Oprah even human
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
