I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
