if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
