You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize