Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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