i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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